Serpent Stings of Cheating: Signs of Adultery

Serpent Stings of Cheating

And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a serpent of brass, and set it on a banner, and [if any man be stung by the serpent] he that is stung, when he looked upon it, he shall live. And Moses made a serpent of brass, and set it on a banner: and when the serpent stung a man, he looked on the serpent of brass, and lived. Numbers 21:8,9

And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through him. He who believes in him is not judged, but he who does not believe is already judged because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. Jn. 3:14-18

Perhaps the most intriguing object of contemplation for people is God Himself, and the second most important. Our masculinity and femininity form an integral part of being created in the image of God.

The Christian view of sexuality is based on the Book of Genesis (chapters 1,2). Many women imagine it this way: God created man, then looked at him and said to Himself that He could have done something better. And He created a woman!

Men do not agree with this viewpoint. In their opinion, God created man, and everything was fine, peaceful However, too peaceful. So He created woman, and since then, neither God nor man has had any peace from her!

Neither of these approaches can be considered entirely biblical. The idea of sex differences belonged to God, and it was a good idea. That we were created male and female is at the heart of humanity-as God saw it. We were created to live in close connection with God and with each other. Our masculinity and femininity are related to our capacity to love and be loved, and this capacity is part of the image and likeness of God; it is especially expressed in our sexuality. At its best, it reflects the true nature of God.

Read also What Does the Bible Say About Cheating?

Unrighteous Habits

Why are both men and women often prone to adultery and fornication? Because our sexuality is already corrupt, broken, and rotten. We are mortal, strange creatures. From the moment we are conceived, a mixture of good and evil is bubbling inside us. From the very depths of our being come both God-given aspirations and unrighteous cravings. This can already be seen in small children, even in newborns. What could be better than a sweet baby cradling us? However, at three in the morning, when he cries out, his sweetness somehow does not want to be remembered. It is clear to every mother that selfishness and anger show up even in the very young, but it is to be expected of them. It is astonishing that adults are seized by unrighteous cravings, a course of anger, spite, and endless displays of their own selfishness.

In our century, with its world wars, violent factors, and corrupt democracies, the idea of man’s initial righteousness has been discarded altogether. What we see today is what the Bible has long taught us-men are created in the image of God, but are sinful from birth. Scripture makes this clear when it states that as we remain in disobedience to the Lord, we live “according to our fleshly lusts, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and thoughts” (Eph. 2:3). We are surprised that good Christians, true believers, are warned about harmful cravings and seductive lusts (see Galatians 5:16,17).

Do not be confused! These pernicious and harmful desires, these lusts, belong to the life we led before Christ (see Titus 3:3). They have no place in the character and conduct of true followers of Christ (see 2 Cor. 2:17). But – and this is very important – they are to be fiercely eradicated from ourselves. In speaking of these pernicious habits the Bible says that we should consider ourselves dead to them, not indulged), that this sinful lifestyle should be set aside, shrugged off (cf. Rom. 6:11-14; 13:14; Gal. 5:16,17; Eph. 4:22).

It would be a mistake to think that the Bible speaks only of the need to “try harder. Relying solely on our own efforts is a trap, a return to living by man-made laws. There is no place for the grace of God, the work of Christ, and the ministry of the Holy Spirit. God’s grace brings salvation, which teaches us to say “no” to worldly passions, teaching us to live in the present age in self-control, chastity, and righteousness (see vv. 2:11,12). God’s grace satisfies our God-given longings (cf. Ps. 62:5; 102:5). Light overcomes darkness – and when we put on our Lord Jesus Christ, we take up the weapons of Light (see Rom. 13:11-14). God’s Word leads us to become a receptacle of the Holy Spirit.

How to avoid delusion.

Each of us can take responsibility for keeping our own freedom in Christ. Anyone can make an effort to grow in obedience, love, faith and maturity. But what can we say about our spouses. No one can live the life of a Christian for another, not even the person closest to us. We live in a time when adultery is widespread, even among Christians, and alas, even among the clergy. But remember, it is still the exception, not the rule, but too much of a threat to be ignored. So, what can caring spouses do to prevent their life together from crashing on the reefs of adultery?

The Perfect Wife

It is unlikely that anyone would leave a perfect wife or husband, but the problem is that perfect people don’t exist! Let’s smile a little at our imperfection. “Husbands, love your wives…,” the Bible says (Eph. 5:25). It is certainly not difficult when she is still worthy of love and.

o if she is an excellent cook, knows how to make the tastiest pies, and still fits into her wedding dress;

o if she is godly, cares for the suffering and has unlimited time for her husband and children;

o if she cares for the sick in the family and never gets sick herself;

o if she has a great sense of humor and is never in a bad mood;

o if she admires her husband, constantly praises him, and never mocks his mistakes;

o if, when she comes home from work, she cleans the house, gets into the children’s problems and helps them do their homework, cooks dinner, washes dishes, does laundry, does homework with the children, runs to the store, ironing, puts the children to bed. Talking to her husband, putting the children to bed, sorting out laundry for the next wash, licking the house, and still puffing up such energy that she has the strength to invite her husband affectionately to her bed, promising him a passionate night.

If she spends an hour a day in prayer and Bible study, never showing that she knows more than her husband;

o if she exercises, takes piano lessons, participates in school and religious activities, and always joins her husband in his hobbies;

o if she knows how to organize fun holidays, birthdays, and excursions for children and other relatives; surprises for close friends; and a wonderful vacation for the whole family – and never exceeds the family budget in doing so;

o If she is constantly working on herself, continuing to learn, studying the Bible, mastering computer skills, improving her talents, advancing in her career, and always has time to put her husband and children first in everything;

o if she is thrifty, pays all her bills on time, buys groceries, clothes, furniture, household goods, pays all her insurance and at the same time saves money in her bank account – so that she always has cash in her purse to give to her husband and children at the first request;

o if she knows how to wear makeup, dresses well, smiles charmingly, exercises regularly, doesn’t eat too much, and maintains an ideal weight.

One can only smile here. The point of all this is that there is no such thing as a perfect wife-absolutely. The ideal is an unattainable goal, the pursuit of which most often leads to depression. Forget the ideal, but strive for progress.

The Ideal Husband

Of course, every wife would like to have the perfect husband (that’s also an unattainable goal!). He could become one…

o if he earned a lot of money and was not a “workaholic” at the same time;

o if he was no stranger to any housework;

o if he remembered all anniversaries and anniversaries, birthdays of children and relatives, engagement anniversaries, weddings, special days “for the two of us” and all the rest

o if he gave flowers, gifts, arranged romantic weekend trips for his wife and never forgot her memorable days

o if he constantly praised his wife’s cooking and was always ready to take her out to dinner at a restaurant.

o if he had been a resourceful lover – sensual romantic, affectionate and never rude and insistent; if he had always been sensitive to his wife’s innermost feelings and never thought only of satisfying his own desires;

o if he were capable, knowledgeable, responsible, if he were regularly promoted, and yet never worked more than forty hours a week;

o if he always played with his children, did his homework with them, and yet remembered to share his innermost feelings with his wife ;

o if he had a great sense of humor, if he was always pleasant to be around, and if he always felt when he needed to have a heart-to-heart talk;

o if he was strong, brave, tough (when needed) and never angry;

o if he was kind, gentle, affectionate, open, sincere, vulnerable, if he never withdrew into himself and was never offended;

o if he had constantly admired his wife, showing her his love and passion – in all the ways she longed for, and never disappointed her.

You’re smiling, aren’t you? All husbands are far from perfect. Remember the most important thing? The only way to have the perfect spouse is to become one yourself! The only way to help achieve that goal is to understand your husband or wife’s most important needs and do everything you can to meet them. This refers to our needs that we can meet in principle and not to those deep-seated longings that only Jesus Christ can fulfill. He gives us freedom, grace and truth. He satisfies our God-given longings to be understood, protected, and meaningful. But He also requires us to love our wives and husbands, and meeting their needs is the best way to show our love.

In his book, His and Her Needs, Willard F. Harley equates this fulfillment of needs with each spouse’s contribution to a kind of “love bank.” “whenever we do something good that pleases the other person, it is as if we are depositing money into our own ‘love bank’ account.” By the way, men and women evaluate these “deposits” of their spouses differently. Women consider every good deed a separate contribution, no matter how big or small.

Men, on the other hand, consider “big deeds” as a big contribution and “small deeds” as a smaller contribution. A woman can give an “extra point” both for a single rose in a vase and for a bouquet of a dozen roses. A man gives a point for a soft remark instead of the expected tedious lecture, and four points for an unexpected proposal to go away together for a weekend out of town. Naturally, any such analogy is somewhat artificial, but it is the idea of “deposits” into a certain common “love bank” that is important, and the accumulation in this “bank” may also decrease. Unpleasant moments and disappointment at times lead to the fact that the “savings” begin to melt. It takes continual effort to continually replenish our “account,” and that is exactly what Christ’s love gives us. It continually flows through us to others and especially to our loved ones. That is why we address our words above all to married couples. Our Lord rejoices when we don’t withdraw our deposits from our “love bank.

So how do we learn to regularly replenish our account?

We can start by meeting our spouses’ most urgent needs. Harley counts only ten of them:

  • Five for wives, and five for husbands. The five most urgent needs of our wives are love, communication, sincerity and openness, financial support and commitment to family.The five most urgent needs of husbands are made up of sexual satisfaction, communication at leisure attractiveness of the wife, family support and admiration for their own person.The priority of one or another need may vary from person to person. Look at these ten needs with your wife or husband and note the degree to which each one is important to you. We already know that prevention is much better than cure. The best way to keep married life safe from the dangers of cheating is to create a good and friendly family, but even that is not immune to failure. Even the most beautiful families are infiltrated by adultery, and it is human weakness and moral failure that make people vulnerable to the devil’s temptations.

Snake Bites

We live on earth today, not in heaven. It is a fallen world, far from perfect. Every Christian should be alert and watch out for “the serpent of old, which is the devil and Satan” (Rev. 20:2). It is no accident that the Bible calls Satan the serpent-he is as treacherous as a rattlesnake. When our son Kirk proposed to his girlfriend Debbie City, my wife and I went to meet her family. From their home on a hill in eastern Oregon, we were admiring wild deer grazing in the valley below, and suddenly someone shouted: “There’s a rattlesnake.” It had been spotted by a visiting neighbor – it was perched in a rut under the wheel of his car. The neighbor took a long stick and tried to pull the vile creature out into the open (Debbie’s father, paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair, could not help him). The mother, on the other hand, rushed out into the garden, grabbed a shovel, and in three strokes cut off the viper’s head, which she then buried in the ground (which locals say protects against snake bites). After that, she dragged the decapitated snake with a shovel to the end of the plot. We watched with all our eyes.The battle scene with the rattlesnake is not bad for stating our struggle with the devil. We should boldly rush into battle with him and give him sharp, strong blows this will help end the devil’s temptations. Then we should stay as far away from them as possible. Venomous snakes, as we know, can sting to death. In matters of morality, we are sometimes exposed to snake bites, but we don’t notice them ourselves.

o Pornography is not a snake, but a snakebite.

o Abortion is not a snake, but its bite.

o Adultery is not a snake, but its deadly venom.

We all know these snake bites – crime, divorce, adultery, abortion, pregnancies out of wedlock, incest, homosexuality, pornography and domestic abuse. Less obvious sins such as lying, stealing, gossiping, etc. should not be forgotten. These “snake bites” are so common that we often forget the snake itself. When we notice the first signs of adultery and the devil’s serpent lurking behind it, we should, like our Oregon relatives, immediately put on our spiritual armor (see 2 Cor. 6:7): the power of God, diligent prayer, the word of truth, obedience to the Lord, prudence.

Remember, the closer you get to the fire, the easier it is to get burned!

…Wicked communities corrupt good morals” (1 Cor. 15:33). Snake tamers are also sometimes bitten by their pets. In Bangkok, Thailand, I once had the opportunity to watch a “snake show” – the tamers seemed to be risking their lives among the cobras. I don’t know if they were venomous or had been subjected to ^special surgery, but I’m sure: I had no desire to be in their ring – the snake kingdom was not for me. What reasonable reason could motivate us to play with deadly creepers? Why do we think we can avoid their bites? What makes us think we can charm the serpent? The enemies of our souls have become adept at deception; they even manage to convince some of us that a snake bite can be without the creeper itself! Let’s be honest – snakes live among us, and their bites can be deadly. We must have compassion for those bitten, but that is not all – we must also be able to heal those bites and pursue the snake itself!

Denial and Deception

So why do believing Christians cheat on their spouses from time to time, without meaning to? Isn’t this the case? Sure, and far more often than most of us would think! Too many Christians think to themselves: “That will never happen to me! I know the Word of God! I pass it on (and even preach it) to my friends. I am ‘conspired’ against fornication – I am in absolutely no danger of falling!”

Read also our article 6 Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating

When Christians, especially convinced believers, think they have been “inoculated” against fornication, they are simply denying that they can be tempted. The stronger such denial, the easier it is to deceive-they begin to be “bitten” by little compromises with their conscience. Such people think of these tempting snakes as kind of tame and are not afraid of them at all. Often they do not even notice the danger until it is too late. Even the most committed Christians are sometimes vulnerable to temptation. Such times come at times of stress, in various difficult life situations, or when external circumstances change.

This happens sometimes during business trips, when a person simply lacks companionship, and suddenly a “nice” companion or companion appears, one clings to the other and… the bed is right there. The believer then recalls with disgust what happened, feels his guilt, his betrayal of the Lord and his spouse. Unresolved conflicts from sexual experience to marriage also leave their devilish mark on the soul. The battle for the soul heats up more and more. Couple these particular periods of life with an underlying passion or habit of pornography, which is often turned a blind eye as a not-so-serious problem. Assume that at the same time in the family is not all right – the impact of unsatisfied aspirations, begins to lack of intimacy, warmth, just communication, understanding, respect … and the tempter is there! He finds the weakest link, whispers in your ear his thoughts, often using the pronoun “I”.

o I’m depressed all the time. I’m so tired of living without happiness…

o I hate this marriage, I can’t take it anymore… Am I destined to live the rest of my life in this nightmare?

o It can’t go on like this (with all the details of why)!

o Just look at him (her)! I just can’t respect someone like that.

o I will never marry (get married) again!

When respect becomes less and expectations become higher, the threat of further life together grows. In any marriage there is a lurking danger that one day we will demand more and more from our spouse. Often it is about money – we want him to earn more and spend less. Or these expectations are related to such subtle “matters” as sex, time spent together, communication, parenting… As expectations and pressure from the outside grow, they begin to be accompanied by disappointment that nothing can ever be changed.

People begin to draw conclusions:

  • I invest more in my family than I get from it.
  • I’m tired of living like a constant millstone. When will you finally get a promotion? Or when will you stop wasting money?
  • You always…
  • You never…
  • Why do you…

In married life, people sometimes lack affectionate conversations and physical displays of affection.

Often you only hear snippets of phrases like:

o Pass me my sandwich, please!

o What’s the weather forecast for today?

o I’m late, I have to hurry!

It is as if the spouses are talking, communicating, but the conversation is artificial. There is no exchange of feelings. It is as if they are talking between business partners and not people who love each other. At night in bed it is the same – boredom, routine, disregard or irritation. They are too busy, too tired, have no interest in each other, or conversely, too demanding or frustrated.

The communication phase

One spouse usually feels trapped in a marriage when someone of the opposite sex, usually single or divorced, shows up. (The devil is no fool, he has purposely arranged such a “chance” encounter!) This someone really knows how to listen and make affectionate remarks. So, the two are just having a conversation – that’s all. What’s wrong with that? Both will say they’re just friends, nothing wrong with that…. There’s nothing much going on between them. The only problem is that affectionate conversations with a member of the opposite sex are taking place outside of marriage, that they are not taking place within marriage. These two naïve people have just entered the first stage, the communication or “talking” stage. Their relationship is gradually developing, new emotions, innocent touches… If he is her friend. she may give him a polite hug when saying goodbye… If she is his secretary, he can, while giving instructions, put his hand on her shoulder as if by chance…

A man once visited a pastor I knew and told him that he had grown very attached to his secretary and had grown cold toward his wife. The wise pastor asked him:

  • Did you often touch your secretary?
  • I didn’t touch her at all!

-Then this week try to pay special attention to how many times you touch her, as if by accident.

A week later, the man said:

  • I find myself touching her all the time, and I really like that touch!

This emotional contact and innocent touching took place outside the marriage and was not characteristic of this man’s married life.There are times for hugs and times to avoid them. A casual, playful pat on the shoulder and back is not a bad thing at all. But when you hug someone with whom you are having tender conversations and who shares your feelings, a warning yellow traffic light should flash in front of you. As my pastor says, if you feel like hugging again, you’re already in trouble!

Friendship Stage.

So, our imaginary couple has just entered the friendship stage. If you ask them about their relationship, both will say, “We’re just good friends.” They are still in denial and still cheating, and this is common everywhere.

I once had the privilege of being on “Focus on the Family,” a radio show hosted by Dr. James Dobson. My partners were two couples who had been able to rebuild their families after adultery-one by the wife and the other by the husband. I was invited to be on the show as the author of “Running a Red Light”.For the sake of their children, the participants chose not to reveal their real names and gave their fictitious names. The couple where the wife cheated consisted of Judy and Peter. Her story is completely consistent with the three phases discussed in this chapter.

They lived in a fashionable part of town, attended an evangelical church regularly, and recognized Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. They were friends and did business with another couple who lived next door – they played tennis, had dinners together, and were best friends in general. One day Peter got hepatitis. Recovery was slow. What Judy didn’t know was that serious illness was sometimes followed by a period of depression. And although their married life had been going quite well before, Peter did not seem as good to his wife as he had been before – she did not know why.

Judy was spending more and more time in the company of her neighbor, even advising him on some family problems. The tradition of family dinners continued, and in their circle it was customary for husband and wife to sit opposite each other at the table, so Judy and her neighbor usually sat side by side. One night at dinner his hand touched hers, trembling slightly.

  • At that moment,” Judy said, “I knew I loved him.

Soon after that incident, Judy’s relationship with her neighbor developed to the point where their finale was her cheating on her husband.

The stage of attraction.

Let’s leave Judy and Peter alone and return to our fictional but quite typical couple. Their relationship began with the conversational stage, moved into the friendly stage, and has now reached what might be called the stage of attraction. They have begun to meet secretly, finding times and places so that the husband or wife does not know about these meetings; often they have to lie to cover for each other… They call each other, write notes, give gifts… So far, they are not sleeping in the same bed, continuing to deny their adultery. They are just “close friends.” If you ask them if they have cheated on their spouses emotionally, you can hear the sincere answer, “Well, you can say that they have.” During this period, a woman begins to understand what the name really is. If she is married and believes she can say to herself, “I was wrong to marry the man; he is by no means God’s will for me!” After some, not too long, time (it gets to men more slowly in general), the man’s eyes are also opened: “I love two women at once! What can I do? It’s my fault for dragging her into all this, and I can’t hurt her” (This last point, as you have understood, does not apply to his wife).

The emotional pressure and physical attraction becomes so strong that it literally overwhelms our couple. The traffic light warning lights have long been burning an alarming red light, but the lovers pay no attention to them. Just a little more, and they find themselves in bed, and from that point on, adultery takes quite a physical shape. This is exactly what happened to Judy and her roommate, and it happens to thousands of other believers caught in a web of denial and deceit. Such are the bites of the tempter serpent!

Usually adultery and cheating remains a mystery for a while, but soon all mystery is revealed. Sometimes it breaks up a marriage, sometimes not, but more often than not, adultery ends in divorce, division of property, tragedy for the children…Alas, more than one generation is destined to go through adultery and divorce.

How to Survive Infidelity

Judy and Peter, participants in Focus on the Family, were among the people blessed by God to have been able to keep their family together. Peter had certain suspicions, and though he could not articulate them precisely, something was going wrong. It seemed strange that his wife spent so much time talking to her neighbor – even though they were family friends – and it wouldn’t hurt to help Peter, for she was the kind of person who always helped her neighbor. However, to hide her infatuation, Judy began to lie. The adultery itself, and the accompanying need to somehow conceal the sin, weighed heavily on her soul. She sought counseling from both her pastor and a psychoanalyst, though she never told either of them the whole story.

As her suspicions grew, Peter decided to meet with a lawyer friend and share his hunches and feelings. This lawyer had dealt many times in his practice with cases of adultery leading to divorce, so he had no trouble recognizing all the signs. He said: “I don’t think your wife is cheating on you, I know she is. Here’s my advice: before you talk to her, hire a private investigator to get incriminating evidence.

According to Peter, it was one of the hardest decisions he ever made. Wouldn’t it be nice to turn to stompers and have them spy on your own wife? But he did push himself over the edge, and soon convincing evidence was at his disposal. Peter was not a bad guy – first he filed for divorce, and then he decided to talk to his wife (it is usually recommended to do the opposite). Judy, though she had plans for her lover, still managed to end her infatuation and put herself at Peter’s mercy – not a bad tactic at all.

She explained how she felt at that moment-absolutely broken, naked before God: “I lied until I was literally overwhelmed by it-and I swore, barely on my feet, that I would never lie about anything again. No matter what happens to me, I don’t want to lie, to live a double life. I hate this deception!” Judy kept her word. She never lied to her husband again and never once cheated on him. By God’s grace, through her repentance and her husband’s trust, they were able to keep their family together.

So what should we do if we suddenly find our spouses cheating on us? For faithful (though not perfect) husbands or wives, the best thing to do in such cases is to consult an experienced counselor or clergyman. Emotions often prevent us from thinking clearly, and any action, no matter how foolish, will have consequences. Every person confronted with adultery should pray, open the Scriptures, listen to the Holy Spirit, and receive counsel from the Lord before doing anything. Only then can one act! Cheating on your spouse violates the Ten Commandments and puts a curse on you and your descendants. Possible momentary pleasure is nothing in the face of eternity.

One tactic may be to pray diligently to become the perfect husband or wife. Where anger and spite don’t work, love often wins. What most faithful spouses don’t realize is that infidelity develops much faster than married life gets better. In every case of infidelity, we face heightened expectations, and those dreams and hopes are rarely realized outside of the marriage. Because most cheating relationships are built on sand rather than rock, they quickly deteriorate. If we turn to the Lord for help at a time when we are in great pain, He will help us change into His image.

A faithful spouse will not be able to endure the betrayal of his or her mate for long. Dr. James Dobson advises starting by writing a letter to your husband or wife to help your spouse who feels trapped. This letter should say that if the relationship continues with the lover, further life together will not be possible. Although we never advise you to file for divorce, since separation often only makes things worse, at this point you should take a firm stand and show your love (see 1 Cor. 7:10, 11).

It’s time to take action

If you’ve cheated on your spouse, it’s too late to do anything about it. Cheating violates the Ten Commandments and puts a curse on you and your descendants. The momentary pleasure that is possible is nothing in the face of eternity. “…We must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each of us may receive what he has done in the body, whether good or bad. Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we instruct men, but to God we are revealed; I hope that we are also revealed to your consciences” (2 Cor. 5:10,11).

Ask the Lord to give you the strength and determination to end this once and for all.

It will surely be difficult for some to break with their extra-marital attachment. Let me tell you that it is never God’s will that your family and children be harmed. Your duty to God is to protect them and give your sacrificial love. God does not want your loved ones to cry out in pain. Your only obligation to God and your lover(s) is to leave the latter for good! The age-old self-justification that I can’t hurt him (her) is one of Satan’s favorite tricks.

To end infidelity for good and overcome its consequences, you must take three steps. You must “amputate” her, come to terms with the loss and recover from the “amputation”.

Let’s talk about the unpleasant. “Amputation” is a painful but necessary action. It means that you must sever, once and for all, the carnal relationship with your lover (mistress). This can only be achieved by a complete breakup. Freedom in Christ counselors sometimes go with the person seeking help to the phone and immediately after completing the Ten Steps (see Appendix), the moment they say into the phone: “I will never see you again. It’s over!” support him by praying to the Lord for him. Find someone to help you keep a sober head at such a moment – it will add much-needed courage. If such a method is not suitable, we advise you not to visit your lover or mistress. In fact, if there is no one to support you, it is better not to use the phone at all, or even change the number. Then you need to write a letter, which will put an end to your relationship.

The main thing is never to meet again! For some people, this means changing jobs, and sometimes moving to another city. Breaking up an extramarital relationship can be very painful. The Bible teaches that even a carnal relationship with a prostitute forms a bond (see 1 Cor. 6:16). Those who change their sexual partners one by one, without love, make themselves even more lonely. “Amputation” must be immediate and complete. In this case, the Bible calls for repentance, a radical desire to make amends. It also calls on the person who has sinned to make a vow to live a God-pleasing life.

Many people who break with an extramarital affair have a hard time recognizing the difficulties of healing the wounded soul. Christians sometimes wrongly assume that everything will work itself out. This myth has to do with two profound misconceptions. The first is that married life will get better all at once. Problems in it have been accumulating for years and may not disappear the next morning. It takes time to add to your “love bank.”

The second misconception is the illusion that they can easily cope with a relationship breakup. Even though they were unequivocally sinful, the devil was still using them to give some surrogate for what God wanted to nurture in your married life. A period of experience is normal. Throwing back and forth, from wife to mistress and from lover to husband, like a ping-pong ball, will do nothing. The very idea of a gradual end to the relationship is no good-it will only hurt everyone more. This is like trying to run with a broken leg. In this period of experience try to create yourself a regime that will not allow you to go back to your lover or mistress. The core of this regimen is discipline and the ability to be in complete control. This will allow your husband and wife to call you at any time, check where you are, and ask about anything. You commit yourself to a sincere and honest answer. This regime means that you will also report your whereabouts and your activities. Any lie, even a “lie for good,” must be stopped immediately! Yes it is inconvenient, yes it is burdensome. But this kind of control is directed against your former false understanding of freedom. It will irritate you, because it resembles controlling a child who has strayed. But as you begin to rebuild a relationship with your spouse, to restore in his (her) eyes your good name, you will soon find that this method is worth it!

“Amputation is a healing method. Spouses who have experienced adultery are also healed. In fact, there is much more to a husband and wife than some people think. For the sake of protecting their children and their reputations, most cheating Christian couples try never to mention it. Dr. Dobson tried to organize a radio show on how to keep a family together in such difficult circumstances (I mentioned it above), but most of the couples invited politely declined.

Thousands of people have been able to save a family and restore normal relationships after adultery, so you can do the same. It will take time, diligence and sound advice. To restore what you have destroyed, you have to give it all! The effort expended will repay you a hundredfold. All spouses who wholeheartedly strive to improve their family life, regardless of whether there was cheating or not, probably will feel a marked improvement in their relationship.

Surely your case will be something different from those described above. It may be that you are a Christian married to an unbeliever and vice versa. It may be that your spouse succumbed to a passing infatuation for a moment, but then felt deeply about it. It may also be that your husband or wife needs an experienced psychoanalyst because of a certain sexual pathology. That’s why we recommend reading our books on these topics, Neal Anderson’s Way of Escape and Charles Milender’s Running the Red Lights.

For the “sexually preoccupied” people, freedom in Christ is just as available as for those who have only succumbed to the devil’s temptation. For both spouses, Steps to Freedom in Christ {Appendix} and Steps to Freedom in Your Marriage (see chapter 14) are sure to help. Healing marital life requires the ability to forgive and the ability to break with extramarital relationships.

The ancient Jews were in awe of serpents. The Lord commanded Moses to mount an image of the serpent on his banner. In a conversation with Nicodemus, Jesus predicted his crucifixion to atone for these serpentine sins, “As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:14, 15).

o Look at the crucifixion – Jesus died for you and for those snake bites.

o Look at the empty tomb – Jesus rose from it to give you hope and a future.

o Look at the throne of the Lord – Jesus rules to behead this ancient serpent and disperse the serpents that threaten you.

Catch a Cheater


About Author

Debby Baxter

Peace with You, Dear Ones
Here I am posting all the issues and QA sessions with pastors due to what Bible words tell us. Also I am writing about marriage problems and doing research contributions about cheating and all the psychology problems due with it.